She woke up depressed. Dreams lingered in her mind and body, creating a sluggish response to her waking state. Reality had been skewed; the lighting in her room smeared across the walls and floor, distorting sunlight and shadows into a dreaded darkness that reflected her dream-state. She forced herself out of bed, away from the security of her blankets, and headed to the bathroom for an early morning shower in hope to wash away the lingering terror. After turning the nozzle of the shower, with hot water beginning to steam the small bathroom, she undressed from her light clothing. A brief reflection in the mirror before her frail body disappeared into a blur. The shower curtain opened and she stepped in the hot shower with her senses failing to recognize the initiating burn. A distracted mind let the subconscious decide to let the skin melt away the sorrow. Moments later she exited the shower with warm pink skin, unaware that she hadn’t properly cleaned herself, and began to poorly dry herself. The door opened, releasing a wall of steam with her exiting with wet hair, breasts exposed, and a damp towel around her waist. With the air of winter, the mixture of steam and cold against her near naked body created an isolated warmth within, and a faint mist trailed as she returned to her room for proper clothing. She briefly dug through the piles of clothing occupying the floor to find the necessities and accepted a braless upper-body, jeans, slip-ons, and a hoodie; a bare minimum for outdoor appearance. A sip of coffee in the kitchen was interrupted with an aggressive knock at her door; an extremely uncommon occurrence which caused a spill onto the floor.
They pulled her outside, leaving her barely able to lock the door behind her, and led her to the idle car in the parking lot. The friends had good intentions but didn’t have the best approach to handling her despair. She climbed in the backseat, center, while the others followed in on either side.
She opened the prescription bottle to withdraw the first dose of the day. The tiny pill was consumed without water but quickly dissolved in her body. She could feel the sedating effects expelling from her chest which then travelled to her fingers and toes leaving a slightly numb tingle. She raised her hand, palm toward face, and wiggled her fingers which left tracers in her eyes. The world had slowed; tones of voices had lowered and slurred with delayed emotions displayed on their faces. She held a neutral smile to show an accepting response to their light conversation of words she couldn’t comprehend. The blurred lines outside the window slowed to a halt but her body had kept moving. Blood rushed to her head but she soon realized that they were leading her ahead. The bright sun had slightly blinded her so the dark asphalt replaced the sky. He had been gently pulling her along with interlocking hands but her legs were barely able to keep pace in the black quicksand. Deeper and deeper she slowly sank into the ground, the tar up to her knees, then waist, and finally she felt her body cooking in the thick darkness that had reached her neck. She saw them continue forward leaving her behind before she was fully engulfed.
“She’ll be there.”
They offered her time without her consent, or they had just assumed her polite smile and nod were her true reactions. She had been on auto-pilot without realizing that several hours had passed and she was now in a friend’s apartment. Her natural shyness had been well known by her friends, which were always slightly surprised to hear her voice, as if they had heard it for the first time. Previously she had accepted group interactions, although with much hesitation and diffidence, which they felt to accept future invitations for her out of kindness. She held conflicted emotions of frustration and happiness since she was tired of not being able to properly express herself, which, upon realization, had triggered a dormant anger within that began to seep through her skin, creating an unfamiliar aura and moments of slight outburst. The medication had only reminded her of her faults and each dose had an increased hesitation before consumption, but the slowly diminishing pill count had given her hope to end with an empty bottle and the proof of its failure. She grinned with a preemptive satisfaction of fulfilled revenge.
“Are you ok?”
She was unaware that they had stopped talking amongst themselves and had left the room quiet in focus of her, who wore a slight grin. Her cheeks blushed with embarrassment upon realization that she had taken the main stage. She smiled with a slight mumble, in hope to form light humor which had been successfully accepted. Her emotions had been suppressed within and masked with the expression of joy. She let out a quiet victorious, yet slightly devious, giggle which blended with the playful air in the room. She took a sip of the drink that had occupied her hand for quite some time, as it had become tepid and bland from the excess water that was once ice. The second dose of the day now consumed. The previous experience of sedation had not taken a full effect this time leaving her body and mind to ascend beyond the comfort of her ego. Once known movements of her hand had become overtaken by another presence inhabiting her body. She didn’t recognize the face of her reflection in the glass door across the room. The doppelganger cheerfully accepted interactions with those in the room, who were somewhat caught off-guard, but graciously accepted the other. She choked on tears after seeing the double control her life and reflect the emotions of the norm, although it had brought along relief from the anxiety of existence.
More pills had disappeared, another prescription. Her body was a puppet to a once unknown entity that had now become part of her, while she accepted the role of spectator. Without her realizing, days, weeks had passed and only brief moments of provoked happiness had been retained in her now limited memory. She had become too comfortable letting her doppelganger lead her life and had forgotten the feeling of her controlling past emotions. Her presence had begun to fade away into a small egg that lingered in a forgotten cavity next to her lively heart. The resonance of the intruder’s tone mocked her as she continued to shrink to the size of a pea, which was about to be consumed by the viscous bacteria that destroyed any unwanted matter in the human body. The existence she once hated was missed. She longed for the misery that had once strangled her throat, her body with forgotten senses. A painful scream expelled from the tiny embryo before it dissolved into microscopic waste.
She awoke in a familiar room, though with slight difference in décor, as well as the trinkets on the nightstand. Her senses had heightened, tingling with the atmosphere, and with wide eyes she began to sit up in the bed, but her body had passed through her vision. The other was still there in her place, living her life, as she now viewed as the invisible third person. What she once knew was now indirectly taunting her; laughing behind the smiles of new friends that replaced the old, just as the worn and outdated personal belongings that were buried in a forgotten wasteland. Continuous lingering, endless despair, she departed from the new life. Upon the tallest building she stood staring at the life below her, the monotonous pace, the empty but happy voices that thrived with hope, and she stepped off the ledge. The fall was peaceful and all went dark before her body hit the ground.
The original prescription bottle was nearly full, only a few pills missing, and her nightmare lingered while she hid under the sheets, but the moment would pass leaving her opportunity for future happiness.
... of Silent Life 